"We Are Not Here to Socialize!"

I am sorry everyone, but I am going to have to gripe.  I hate bitchy blog posts, but I just can't contain myself anymore.  I am so sick of ignorant people who, when they find out that we are homeschooling, ask:

"How are you going to socialize them?"
"What about socialization?"
"Do they have any friends?"

My children love and respect all people, and go out of their way to greet people, talk with them, and make new friends.  And on a daily basis, we are met with the products of public school socialization.  People who refuse to even acknowledge that my children exist, children who refuse to play with my children because they don't know them already, people who completely ignore a greeting.

We were at the park yesterday, and a lovely group of children arrived.  My four year old son ran over to them, introduced himself, and started talking.  The children weren't mean, they just weren't used to socialization (I later found out they went to public school, go figure)  They stared at him, not sure what to think, and not responding to any of his queries.  He continued to speak to them, and when they figured out he was not a threat, they smiled and listened, but did not respond.  eventually, after about an hour of playing together at the same park, they began to speak with us, but only to answer questions with brief responses.

We are not always so fortunate to come across children who behave this way.  Many of them are downright nasty, and before even exchanging a names, they make it clear that they will not play with someone who is not a part of their existing group.

Socialization for homeschooled and unschooled children is not a problem.  My kids love to socialize with people of all ages, races, economic statuses, and sizes.  Socialization is a problem for the public school child, who spends the majority of their day surrounded by people of the same age, from the same town, and is regularly told by the teacher, "We are not here to socialize."

End of Rant.

Thanks for bearing with me.

Burning Money

One of the privileges of writing a blog that no one reads, is that you don't have to worry about content, post frequency, readability, originality, or...anything for that matter.  And I think that is really important.  I don't want my posts to be created by thinking about what others want to read.  I want to write from the heart, and write what makes me happy.  I think this should apply to the rest of my life as well.  I say what I feel, I don't say what I think others want to hear.   I use the methods I believe will work, not the ones that everyone else thinks I should use.  Do I do this?  No.  Because I'm a chickenshit.  I care too deeply about how I am perceived by others.  But I am working to change that.

Part of this process is learning who I really am.  Breaking through the facade of who I want others to think  I am, and finding my soul.  In an effort to discover my true self, I have been contemplating various questions.  I asked myself, "If you had all the money in the world, what would you do with it?"  My answer:  Burn it.  All the money, of every denomination, in one place.  Let's burn it.  Never thought I would answer in that way.  Learned something about myself.  One of many steps toward the new/old me.

"Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts."   ~Albert Einstein

Photo:  Source

Bonsai Children

I have a fondness for bonsai trees.  They are quite amazing, and if  I had the patience to grow them, or money to buy them, my home would certainly be a bonsai forest.

As I was sitting and thinking of the techniques used in growing bonsais:  The pruning, trimming, clamping, and wiring.  And thinking also of the outcome:  The size, the artificial appearance of maturity, the constant care that is required.  I compared these aspects to those of their wild counterparts, which are tall and majestic, with spreading branches, elaborate root systems, and no need for human hands to care for them.

Is it unfair for me to draw these same comparisons between the schooled mind, and the mind that was free to learn for itself?

 At school, children are shaped into a form that may not be natural for them, but is acceptable to society.  They acquire an appearance of maturity, but it is merely an illusion based in fear.  They are kept contained for 6 hours (or more) a day so that your roots cannot reach deep into the ground, and find their own source of happiness.  Without school, children are limited only by their nature.  They are free to become themselves, whether that be a shrub or a sequoia, they will be themselves, and in that, there is much joy.

The main difference is that the growth of the bonsai gives a sense of joy and accomplishment to the grower, while the growth of the wild tree gives a sense of accomplishment and joy to the tree.

Goal Setting and Habit Changing

I want to be the best father and husband that I can be.  But when I am constantly fatigued, stressing out about bills, and wading through a sea of toys, clothes, and books, this becomes difficult.  I get cranky, mean, and nasty.  A regular Dadosaurus Rex.  So, in order to become the Dad I know I should be, I have decided to do some goal setting, ditch some old habits, and form some new ones.  I don't want to get overwhelmed, so I have decided that I will have no more than one goal or habit change at a time for each of the following categories:

• Health and Fitness
• Marriage
• Parenting/Unschooling
• Finances 
  
• Home Maintenance and Cleanliness 

The ultimate objective is to live a peaceful, stress-free life, in which I have a good relationship with my wife and children (Maybe this is more of an impossible dream than an objective, but it is still worth working toward) So, all of my goals and habit changes should be getting me closer that point.  So, with that being said, I guess I should start thinking of some goals.

Man VS Child

It is bedtime.  Correction, it is 2 hours past bedtime.

Man:  Here is your toothbrush, brush your teeth so we can go to bed
Child:  I'm hungry
Man:  I'll let you have carrots....
Child: I don't want carrots!
Man:  ...but you have to eat all of them. *Pulls bunch of carrots from bag*
Child: I DON'T WANT CARROTS!
Man:  Okay, how bout just one?
Child:  No!  Not one!
Man: Two?
Child:  NO!
Man:  Three?
Child:  NO!
Man:  Four?
Child:  NO!
Man:  Five?
Child:  NO!
Man:  Six?
Child:  NO!
Man:  Seven?
Child:  NO!
Man:  Hold on, I think that's all we have...Yeah, that's it.  Is seven enough?
Child:  No!  I just want one!  *Takes carrot, eats it, brushes teeth, and goes to bed*

Man is victorious. 

A Secret to Dad Greatness (Re-post)

A Secret to Dad Greatness was the Father's Day post at Zen Habits, which is a very well written blog about simplicity, happiness, and living in the moment.  It was a really good post, so I thought I would share it with my readers.  When they get here.  Which should be any time now.

*Crickets Chirping"

I'll be back later.

Learn Genetics (Genetic Science Learning Center)

I would like to share with you an amazing interactive website where you and your kids can build a DNA molecule, clone a rat, have fun with epigenetics, and so much more!

Learn.Genetics created by folks at the University of Utah, is choc full of virtual labs, videos, and slideshows.  It is the ultimate educational experience when it comes to genetics, it is tons of fun, and they aren't even paying me to write this! (Although, that wouldn't be a bad idea)

Parental Micromanagement

When working on a task, not many of us like to have someone breathing down our necks, questioning our every move, and taking over if we fail to meet their performance standards.  Micromanagement is not only irritating, it lowers morale, creates bitterness, and destroys confidence. 

Why on earth, then, would anyone want to treat their children this way?

The other day my neighbor's son was mowing their lawn.  My neighbor followed him back and fourth across the lawn the entire time he mowed.  Pointing, yelling, throwing his hands in the air.  After watching this for some time (with 3 kids of my own, it seems like I would have better things to do than spy on the neighbors) I blurted out "Why not just do it yourself?!" (being that I was inside, and he was standing near a running lawn mower, my query went unanswered) and I'm certain his son was thinking the same thing.  If you cannot trust your kids enough to let them do their chores in peace, you might as well do them yourself.

But it is not just chores, even craft time provides an opportunity for parental micromanagement.  When my firstborn had just turned two, she was in her highchair painting with watercolors.  I was very concerned that she not make a mess, and that she followed all watercolor painting protocol, using the perfect ratio of water to paint, and even brushstrokes.  I explained this to her, was guiding her, showing her, and reminding her.  When I finally relented, she began to paint on her own, and as she did, she sang out, "Do it like this, do it like this, do it like this!" I then realized what I had been doing, and it absolutely broke my heart.

I have come a long way since then, but it is still a struggle.  Whenever I am tempted to micromanage, I ask myself two questions, "What impact will this have in 5 years?" and, "Is it at all possible that my child's way of doing things is just as good, or better than mine?"

Is it too much for a kid to ask, just to be able to work, eat, and play in peace?  To experience joy that is not interrupted by constant nagging?  They are only in our care for 18 short years, and it would be nice for all parties involved to have memories of laughing and learning together.

"Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom."   -Albert Einstein

Photo: source

Are You Qualified to Teach Your Children?

When people find out that our children are home-schooled (Well, unschooled actually) They usually respond by shifting the conversation to a more comfortable topic, such as...well, anything but homeschooling.  However, when speaking to less timid folks, the conversation can quickly turn into an interrogation.

"Whats wrong with the schools in our community?"
"Didn't you go to public school?"
"How will your children learn to socialize?"
"How will they learn to take instruction?"
"How will they learn discipline?"
"How will they get a job without a diploma?"

And then there is my personal favorite, "What makes you think you are qualified to teach your children?"

When I was first confronted with this question, I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to answer it.  I came up with all kinds of legitimate answers, as well as finding statistics comparing the performance of home-schoolers to children taught in public school.  But no matter what answer I came up with, it still didn't feel right.

I then realized something that has completely changed the way I look at my children's education.  I am NOT qualified to teach them.  My critics were right all along, I do not have what it takes to educate my own children.  But the good news is, they are qualified to learn.  Every child has within them the capacity to learn from their surroundings, without school, without a curriculum, and without a teacher.  So maybe you don't have a teaching degree, but don't let that stop you from allowing your curious, and resourceful children from learning naturally, and with joy, on a daily basis.

"Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom."   -Albert Einstein,

 (Photo:  www.Futuristmovies.com)