Bonsai Children

I have a fondness for bonsai trees.  They are quite amazing, and if  I had the patience to grow them, or money to buy them, my home would certainly be a bonsai forest.

As I was sitting and thinking of the techniques used in growing bonsais:  The pruning, trimming, clamping, and wiring.  And thinking also of the outcome:  The size, the artificial appearance of maturity, the constant care that is required.  I compared these aspects to those of their wild counterparts, which are tall and majestic, with spreading branches, elaborate root systems, and no need for human hands to care for them.

Is it unfair for me to draw these same comparisons between the schooled mind, and the mind that was free to learn for itself?

 At school, children are shaped into a form that may not be natural for them, but is acceptable to society.  They acquire an appearance of maturity, but it is merely an illusion based in fear.  They are kept contained for 6 hours (or more) a day so that your roots cannot reach deep into the ground, and find their own source of happiness.  Without school, children are limited only by their nature.  They are free to become themselves, whether that be a shrub or a sequoia, they will be themselves, and in that, there is much joy.

The main difference is that the growth of the bonsai gives a sense of joy and accomplishment to the grower, while the growth of the wild tree gives a sense of accomplishment and joy to the tree.

Parental Micromanagement

When working on a task, not many of us like to have someone breathing down our necks, questioning our every move, and taking over if we fail to meet their performance standards.  Micromanagement is not only irritating, it lowers morale, creates bitterness, and destroys confidence. 

Why on earth, then, would anyone want to treat their children this way?

The other day my neighbor's son was mowing their lawn.  My neighbor followed him back and fourth across the lawn the entire time he mowed.  Pointing, yelling, throwing his hands in the air.  After watching this for some time (with 3 kids of my own, it seems like I would have better things to do than spy on the neighbors) I blurted out "Why not just do it yourself?!" (being that I was inside, and he was standing near a running lawn mower, my query went unanswered) and I'm certain his son was thinking the same thing.  If you cannot trust your kids enough to let them do their chores in peace, you might as well do them yourself.

But it is not just chores, even craft time provides an opportunity for parental micromanagement.  When my firstborn had just turned two, she was in her highchair painting with watercolors.  I was very concerned that she not make a mess, and that she followed all watercolor painting protocol, using the perfect ratio of water to paint, and even brushstrokes.  I explained this to her, was guiding her, showing her, and reminding her.  When I finally relented, she began to paint on her own, and as she did, she sang out, "Do it like this, do it like this, do it like this!" I then realized what I had been doing, and it absolutely broke my heart.

I have come a long way since then, but it is still a struggle.  Whenever I am tempted to micromanage, I ask myself two questions, "What impact will this have in 5 years?" and, "Is it at all possible that my child's way of doing things is just as good, or better than mine?"

Is it too much for a kid to ask, just to be able to work, eat, and play in peace?  To experience joy that is not interrupted by constant nagging?  They are only in our care for 18 short years, and it would be nice for all parties involved to have memories of laughing and learning together.

"Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom."   -Albert Einstein

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