Parental Micromanagement

When working on a task, not many of us like to have someone breathing down our necks, questioning our every move, and taking over if we fail to meet their performance standards.  Micromanagement is not only irritating, it lowers morale, creates bitterness, and destroys confidence. 

Why on earth, then, would anyone want to treat their children this way?

The other day my neighbor's son was mowing their lawn.  My neighbor followed him back and fourth across the lawn the entire time he mowed.  Pointing, yelling, throwing his hands in the air.  After watching this for some time (with 3 kids of my own, it seems like I would have better things to do than spy on the neighbors) I blurted out "Why not just do it yourself?!" (being that I was inside, and he was standing near a running lawn mower, my query went unanswered) and I'm certain his son was thinking the same thing.  If you cannot trust your kids enough to let them do their chores in peace, you might as well do them yourself.

But it is not just chores, even craft time provides an opportunity for parental micromanagement.  When my firstborn had just turned two, she was in her highchair painting with watercolors.  I was very concerned that she not make a mess, and that she followed all watercolor painting protocol, using the perfect ratio of water to paint, and even brushstrokes.  I explained this to her, was guiding her, showing her, and reminding her.  When I finally relented, she began to paint on her own, and as she did, she sang out, "Do it like this, do it like this, do it like this!" I then realized what I had been doing, and it absolutely broke my heart.

I have come a long way since then, but it is still a struggle.  Whenever I am tempted to micromanage, I ask myself two questions, "What impact will this have in 5 years?" and, "Is it at all possible that my child's way of doing things is just as good, or better than mine?"

Is it too much for a kid to ask, just to be able to work, eat, and play in peace?  To experience joy that is not interrupted by constant nagging?  They are only in our care for 18 short years, and it would be nice for all parties involved to have memories of laughing and learning together.

"Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom."   -Albert Einstein

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Are You Qualified to Teach Your Children?

When people find out that our children are home-schooled (Well, unschooled actually) They usually respond by shifting the conversation to a more comfortable topic, such as...well, anything but homeschooling.  However, when speaking to less timid folks, the conversation can quickly turn into an interrogation.

"Whats wrong with the schools in our community?"
"Didn't you go to public school?"
"How will your children learn to socialize?"
"How will they learn to take instruction?"
"How will they learn discipline?"
"How will they get a job without a diploma?"

And then there is my personal favorite, "What makes you think you are qualified to teach your children?"

When I was first confronted with this question, I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to answer it.  I came up with all kinds of legitimate answers, as well as finding statistics comparing the performance of home-schoolers to children taught in public school.  But no matter what answer I came up with, it still didn't feel right.

I then realized something that has completely changed the way I look at my children's education.  I am NOT qualified to teach them.  My critics were right all along, I do not have what it takes to educate my own children.  But the good news is, they are qualified to learn.  Every child has within them the capacity to learn from their surroundings, without school, without a curriculum, and without a teacher.  So maybe you don't have a teaching degree, but don't let that stop you from allowing your curious, and resourceful children from learning naturally, and with joy, on a daily basis.

"Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom."   -Albert Einstein,

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